hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
