i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
