Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
