yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
