I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
