Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize