i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
