I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
as a side note pls kill me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize