I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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