Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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