; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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