Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
