How external is "for external use only"?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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