winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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