just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
