Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
