my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
