I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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