I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
