Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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