well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
