next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
