I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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