also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
