im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
