Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
