I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
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Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
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Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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