people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
