I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
