So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
