but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
