i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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