Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She needs sedatives and a leash
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
