He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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