he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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