so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
