you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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