So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
