He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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