I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
