I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
