I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
