I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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