she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
