Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
