didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
