I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
