dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
