just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
