he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
