Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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