I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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