I just cut my nipple shaving
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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