see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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