maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
