I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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