You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize