She is in my trunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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