maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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