Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
