Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize