dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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