sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
