first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
