Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
