your room smells of hookers.
And success
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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