When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
