hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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