he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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