how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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