and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
