have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
