Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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