Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
