i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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